What They Don’t Tell You About Parenting

1.  Your kids will discover what your favorite candy is and make sure they eat it first, leaving you to choose between Pixie Stix and Candy Necklaces.

2.  By the time your kids are old enough to sleep in, you’ve gotten too old to care and now get up at 5am to mow the lawn.

3.  Children believe the bathroom is a portal to another world and fear if they don’t sit outside and call your name while you’re in there, you will never return home.

4.  Toys come to life overnight, breed, and send their offspring to conquer every corner of the house.

5.  An Olympic marathoner doesn’t have the endurance of a 4 year old.

6.  You will find yourself watching Dora the Explorer long after your kids have lost interest just for a moment to sit down and relax.

7.  Even with a “No eating in the car” rule, when you remove the carseats somehow you will find 12 Cheerio’s, a french fry, and half a granola bar under there.

8.  You don’t own your house.  You just rent space to sleep in from them.

9.  When you finally get a date night, you spend the whole time talking about the kids, running out of things to do with each other, and coming home early much to the confusion of your baby sitter.

10.  You wouldn’t change any of it.

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