Things to Complain About While Sitting In Church

1.  Can the preacher speed things up, the game kicks off in 30 minutes

2. Does the guy praying realize I’m kneeling on concrete?

3.  Can we sing something written in this century?

4.  If the service is going to be this long they need to serve a snack

5.  Whoever invented pews should be shot

6.  I’ve heard caterwauling better than the lady singing behind me

7.  Sit, stand, sit, stand, kneel: if I wanted exercise I’d go to the gym

8.  The deacon gave me the evil eye for not putting enough in the offering plate

9.  Can the pastor even spell all the Hebrew words he’s using?

10.  I swear I heard Rick Warren preach this same sermon 2 weeks ago

11.   I think I could read the sermon with more enthusiasm than this

12.  The head elder is asleep

13.  The preacher keeps giving me dirty looks whenever my kids make noise

14.  If I wanted to learn Greek I would have gone to seminary

15.  What does “Grace” have anything to do with this?

16.  The kid behind me keeps crawling under the pew

17.  Why do all the “Amen”s come from the back of the church?

18.  Can we please use a translation other than King James?

19.  Why are there 700 songs in the hymnal and we only sing 40?

20.  The choir could look more enthusiastic to be up there

21.  Please don’t have an alter call, please don’t have an alter call…

22.  I’m gonna have to volunteer for something on the way out aren’t I?

23.  Part 1 of a 12 part series?  Really?

24.  If there’s a podcast and webcast, why did I get out of bed?

25.  No, I’m not texting!  It’s called a smartphone and I have a Bible app.


2 thoughts on “Things to Complain About While Sitting In Church

  1. Hi Ben! I just found your blog and am having fun reading your thoughts! I do the same thing when driving and that’s why I have three blogs. Must run in the family 🙂 I’ll keep following from now on!


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